Skip to content

Output Posts

Daily Journal – Wednesday, 12/27/23

So far, liking the new format. Feels more flexible for the very open nature of my days these…days. Yeah. Anyhow, onward!

Inputs

1: First up, this Twitter thread from @patio11, about gumption, operations, and institutional helplessness (my summary, not his).

Patrick talks about the nature of strategic thinking and the nature of organizations to not actually act from a strategic mindset from an instinct towards safety, an assumption of a lack of agency, and the ways in which large institutions turn any decision into the problem of an entire committee, to both ensure no credit goes below a certain level and that no blame rises above it.

I’ve sat in these same meetings, asked these same open questions, had these same teeth-grinding revelations. It’s somewhat cathartic, while simultaneously being maddening at the ubiquity of incentivized inaction.1Which also led me to this important tweet: https://x.com/patio11/status/1739810622357844021?s=20 and then to cold emailing a director at a company I’d like to work for who’ve had a job opening for a role I’d be a great fit for open since at least October out of, honestly, who knows, but I’m betting the same weird culture around hiring that has seemingly poisoned the entire working world lately.

2: I watched this documentary a while ago, but got to recommend to a friend2Hi Casey! with a shared interest in the wild history of Apple: General Magic.3That link goes to Kanopy, which is a favorite streaming service of mine, in that its content is parceled out via your membership to your local library. Support local libraries! This is the kind of great shit they do! General Magic itself was a sort of external spinoff operation of Apple during the Sculley years, who were given the rein to try new and inventive things, which resulted most obviously outwardly in the Newton, but also to “USB, software modems, small touchscreens, touchscreen controller ICs, ASICs, multimedia email, networked games, streaming TV, and early e-commerce notions.” It was an experiment involving some of the most weighty names of the personal computing revolution, including Andy Hertzfeld, Susan Kare, Joanna Hoffman, and Tony Fadell.

Watching the documentary, you get a real sense of the vision of Silicon Valley and the giant dreams colliding with economic realities. It’s an inspiration filled with lessons and admiration for those willing to do the wild, necessary things to move the world forward, inch by inch.

3: Caught the finale of Slow Horses season 3, which felt slightly abrupt but entertaining throughout and climactic at multiple moments. One thing among many I’ll praise about the show is that it refuses to be too precious with any character, which doesn’t allow for the sort of psychological safety built into most shows, where one never really believes the stakes because it’s not going to end in the ultimate consequence for the characters involved. Slow Horses is happy to kill off whoever it needs to to make clear that such safety is an illusion, one that kept alive by the work of imperfect people making hard choices in a messy world.

Projects In Progress

Webapp: Put some work in researching headless CMS systems, because I am all too generally eager to not only reinvent the wheel, but to drag things along the dirt my entire life rather than try someone else’s interesting round contraption. And I’m trying to fight that. So, yeah. Checking out Strapi, among others, and I’m intrigued, if curious about how things fit together. The work continues apace.

Other: I’ve put the rest of my creative outputs on a bit of a back burner, which is not overall great, but is keeping them simmering to hopefully, eventually, coalesce into a more interesting stew. Or at least less of a pot full of bits and liquids rather than a soup.4And of course now I’m wondering what the dividing line is between some junk in some liquid and a soup. Is it seasoning? A minimum amount of simmering? Surely it’s not soup if I just throw scraps of meat and vegetables into hot water. There’s got to be more of a transition point than that, right? But where is it?

Notes:

  • 1
    Which also led me to this important tweet: https://x.com/patio11/status/1739810622357844021?s=20 and then to cold emailing a director at a company I’d like to work for who’ve had a job opening for a role I’d be a great fit for open since at least October out of, honestly, who knows, but I’m betting the same weird culture around hiring that has seemingly poisoned the entire working world lately.
  • 2
    Hi Casey!
  • 3
    That link goes to Kanopy, which is a favorite streaming service of mine, in that its content is parceled out via your membership to your local library. Support local libraries! This is the kind of great shit they do!
  • 4
    And of course now I’m wondering what the dividing line is between some junk in some liquid and a soup. Is it seasoning? A minimum amount of simmering? Surely it’s not soup if I just throw scraps of meat and vegetables into hot water. There’s got to be more of a transition point than that, right? But where is it?

Daily Journal – Tuesday, 12/26/23

I wrote a bit earlier about the existential weight of fear and the mental anchor that is the ever-present search for safety. It was a balm, but definitely not a cure, for the condition to get some of that out of my head. I suppose we’ll see where we go from here.

Inputs

1: I read a fantastic biographical piece from Lauren Thiesen over at Defector today, about the work to change one’s name, not personally, but outwardly, legally, and officially as the world ties it to documents and databases.

In my time in management, I managed an employee through the work-located aspects of a gender change and learned an awful lot about how the larger world makes such things difficult, on top of all the other inherent difficulties involved. Many people, upon updating their gender identity and shedding a dead name, do so by changing their employer entirely, such is the psychic weight of trying to move a machine that large.

To my employee’s credit, and to the credit of my former employer and their coworkers, it was an experience that went remarkably well. For all the pains involved in the process, my team was incredibly supportive of her and it turned into an opportunity to grow and bond as a group, as people shared their personal experiences with family and friends who’ve undergone gender transitions in their lives. I was, and remain, so proud of all of them, and of my employee herself, for their work through the process.

2: Read through Kottke’s 52 Things list earlier, and some days before, the list it was inspired by, Tom Whitwell’s “52 things I learned in 2023“, which has been running since 2014 and is always a remarkable collection of interesting insights about the world at large, from any number of angles1I mean, by definition, no more than 52 angles, but go with me here.. I actually tried to keep my own list of such things at the start of this year, in inspiration, but it fell off hard. However, rather than bury it in shame, here’s what I had going:

1/12 – Chuck-E-Cheese still used floppy disks to update their animatronic shows through this year (2023) (https://www.tiktok.com/@showbizpizzaman/video/7186009974852586795)

1/16 – By ionizing air using lasers, lightning was able to be directed to hit specific locations. The idea itself stretches back to the 1970s (https://arstechnica.com/science/2023/01/lasers-used-to-guide-lightning-strikes-to-a-safe-target/)

1/30 – The Texas Two Step is a technique by which a company tries to avoid liability by splitting off a portion of itself liable for legal damages into a different company. Johnson and Johnson failed to accomplish one when defending against lawsuits for asbestos in their baby powder. (https://prospect.org/blogs-and-newsletters/tap/2023-01-31-johnson-texas-two-step-bankruptcy/)

2/6 – Chock Full of Nuts is called that because it was the coffee served at a lunch counter called Chock Full of Nuts, whose specialty was a “Nutted Cheese Sandwich” made from raisin bread, cream cheese, and walnuts. The sandwich was chock full of walnuts. Via Adam Conover (https://www.tiktok.com/@adamconover/video/7196808838689885483)

4/1 – Pizza Rolls were invented to capitalize on a wave of American interest in both Chinese and Italian foods, and originally came in pepperoni, sausage, lobster, and shrimp flavors (https://www.snackstack.net/p/pizza-rolls-and-the-meaning-of-midcentury)

I’m gonna see if I can do better this year, and grace you all with a What I Learned in 2024 list that’s actually got 52 items in it.

3: After watching the three NFL games last night2The NFL would conquer the entire calendar if they could. Santa and Jesus are no match for the shield., I officially won one of my fantasy football leagues and made the finals in the other. One more week to go and we’ll see if I can make it to the promised land. Go Team Calvinball!

Projects In Progress

Webapp: Took some time today to try and figure out how to put in a CI/CD workflow via GitHub to the site. It, as most programming exercises go, did not work at first attempt. However! I’ll be working through some additional guides and hope to have a Hello World standing by EOD. So, progress? Kinda?

Notes:

  • 1
    I mean, by definition, no more than 52 angles, but go with me here.
  • 2
    The NFL would conquer the entire calendar if they could. Santa and Jesus are no match for the shield.

Anchors At Weigh

I’ve spent the weeks and months since I lost my job flailing around, my hand unmoored from the side of the pool, reaching frantically to find another side to hold onto, rather than facing my fear to swim. I watch a world of people in the pool, stretching, reaching, gliding through lives of their choosing, and I so want that for myself, and all I keep feeling is the fear of drowning, or the fear of getting lost at sea, rather than the excitement of being, for once, alone out on the great ocean of life, charting a course of my choosing, to whichever port is forward, finding a life while doing the living of it.1Yes, I mix my metaphors. So they’re mixed. I’m made of multitudes.

I’ve found myself with a thing before me that I, intellectually, want to do, and yet keep finding other things to occupy my time rather than face it and do it. And in a conversation with myself this morning, I came to realize that at the foot of it is fear. Fear of it failing, of having done it and it being a poor attempt at something I was not capable, or worse, something I believed done well that was still rejected.

For that is the fear I’ve most faced in the reaching, these past months. I know who I am, of what I am capable, of what I have accomplished and could do again. And in presenting that self to the world, I’m continually given the glimpse of the backs of shoulders, of turned heads, or nearly worse, of interest I’m certain wasn’t feigned, but that sours in the seeing into “not you, not now, not for us.” I’ve chosen a life of small rejections, of quick cuts at my confidence, slices through my self-perception that make me doubt who I know myself to be, to have been, to be able to be again. Chose this, instead of different risks. Different lonely lakes away from the faces and voices I know.

Every decade of my life has had an unsettling of itself. The first decade ended in a disillusion of a relationship and a fractured family. The second with my own fractured relationship and an upheaval and removal to a new land, hundreds of miles away, and towards, a new future. The third, with a final transition into a professional life, a dedication to an organization and a structured life of confined goals and the security of certain certainties. The fourth, with death and death and death and death. Of family, of position, of a path upon which I thought I’d been set. Of the ballasts that held me firmly upright, or at least kept a keel in me, kept the water from flooding over the sides.

Sitting in the rubble of a life, one has the urge to try and rebuild a familiar form. Structure what came before from the pieces that remain. But there are other shapes, other ways, should one have the courage to assemble them and the drive to do the building. Fear is a useful thing at times, but only if one needs safety more than they need to have what safe allows: the space to live a life worth having lived it. As it is said, the port is safe, in the time of storms, when the seas shake and shudder, when wakes turn to waves. But ships were not made to live in ports, hands not made to clutch stiff-knuckled in gripping at the sides. They were made to sail, to swim, to live a life unmoored.

Notes:

  • 1
    Yes, I mix my metaphors. So they’re mixed. I’m made of multitudes.