
I don’t know what I believe. I’d like for there to be something larger than myself, because the arrogance to believe I might be the largest thing there is is so unbearable. It’s self-unselecting, that. To believe in something of such utter selfishness. You’d have to be some kind of asshole to look at the scale we exist in and think somehow this is the pinnacle of all being and that there’s nothing greater, only that which is lesser.
There’s this moment in a movie that most would call a forgettable part of both Tom Hanks’s and Meg Ryan’s careers, Joe Versus the Volcano, that became something like belief to me.
The moon, this enormous full moon, in all its patterns and shades and wonders, rises before him, a mottled marble of light emerging from the black horizon, splitting the sea from the stars. And he stands atop this raft with what little strength is left in his legs. And he raises his arms, in reverence and awe, before collapsing back to his knees. And he rasps out these words:
“Dear God, whose name I do not know, thank you for my life. I forgot how big… Thank you. Thank you for my life.”
I don’t know if it’s religion, but that’s what I have. Thank you for my life. It is all so great, and I am so small, and thank you for allowing me this space and this time to exist within, and everything placed before and around and among and within me. Thank you. Thank you for my life.